"it" just moved
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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