Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
