Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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