I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
