We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
