no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
