Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I touched a dick in church today
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
