I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize