____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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