I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
