i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
What a dumb baby whore.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
