I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
