I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
