kristin has been a bad kristin
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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