I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
then he tried to convert me to islam
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
