I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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