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i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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