dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
