glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
