You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
