This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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