I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize