so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
it's like iHOP with fire
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
