I want to have your abortion
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
