Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
