the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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