I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
