I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
