just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
