I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
