The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
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