i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
