I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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