You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
