whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
