Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
