Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Come share oat with me in your robe
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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