he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
