Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
