oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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