You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
