I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
