btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
