I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
