like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
