she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
