Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize