And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
