wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
