its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
