Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
