I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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