Taylor Swift is so right about you.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
