cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
