20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
