Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
