I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
