All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I love having hate sex.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
