Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
