Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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