Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
