I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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