U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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