evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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