dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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