everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
