think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize