I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
