3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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