Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
