Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize