so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
