I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
