I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
