I got chris browned last night
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
