What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Randomize
