I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
