dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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