Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
