Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You dont lie about slip and slides
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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