i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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