Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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