You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
