I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
are you so shy because you have an std?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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