If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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