TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
