I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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