what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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