Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
