We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
