I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Is Oprah even human
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
