I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
