you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
NoShamevember. You game?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
