I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
