This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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