Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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