We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
