We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
