I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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