Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
