i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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