I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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