Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
