She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
