well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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