I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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