would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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