I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
