Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize