what if every blade of grass was a penis?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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