You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
