I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
