grandma shit on top of the toilet
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
