Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
