thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
