Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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