was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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