well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
